hopeless kid

what kind of dad are you
what kind of grandma are you
everyt say is my fault my fault even if im ur family
are you my family
i doubt so
it happening all the time
whenever you guys do anyt it will be my fault my fault
sometimes i wish i dont know you guys
as my dad you see and heard me got wronged by grandma you choose to keep silent
as a human i defence myself
yet once you heard me defencing myself heard grandma shouting me heard our quarrels
you choose to shout me i could recall you shout my name for five times
and when i stop yelling i tried to calm down i walked to you
for a moment i thought you as my dad could at least confort me
but yet i got nothing i could only see you mouthing words
mouthing words telling me to stop and go
i feel so wronged im in no wrong i was not at there but why was i dragged in and said i was the one who caused the incident when i in toliet
i want to have my justice i want to voice out i want to say its not my fault
you know wht maybe i should just give up and be the worstest loser mayb i should
im not good im a jinz i bring bad luck to anyb arnd me im sorry
& so you can push the blame on me i don't really mind anymore used to it
since i such a jinz in this house i could wish i am rather not in here
nobody trust nobody cares nobody knows nobody does
when i thought i could find hope in my family but it was destory by you guys
i'm finding bonding time w you all but you my dad rather stay in your car than bonding with us
i could imagine if it was sister asking you out to bond you would go no matter how tired you'r
i could still remember wht you told me right to my face
you said, i could rather i didnt give birth to you
although you said it in a joking way but did you ever imagine how was i feeling
from tht on i didn't hope anymore
its meaningless its nothing its crap for me to hope any longer
this would be my last post abt them i guess
suprisely i no longer feel angry like the way i does last time
well this time i feel nothing close to angry nothing close to sad
i just felt a little disappointed & a little not used to this feeling

time will pass i'll get used to this kinda of feeling
i'll be fine i'll be allright i'll prove i'm prefectly okay
i'll be okay without fatherly love without grandma love without family love

i need to laugh out soon i need ears/shoulders to laugh out soon